Interview

Tutor: Ah Hello! Jack isn’t it?

Jack: Yes that’s me, pleased to meet you

(The tutor leans over his desk, arm outstretched. Jack shakes his hand)

Tutor: Marvellous, my name is Richard, and I’m going to be interviewing you today. Bear in mind however, that I have no intention of making this at all formal, and I’d rather you imagined we were simply having breakfast in your conservatory, the sun shining and the birds singing, discussing how we could best waste the day away together. Completely informal, you understand? I simply want to learn more about you, as a person, as a character.

Jack: Okay

(they pause and regard each other)

Richard: so you want to study fine art do you?

Jack: that’s right

Richard: but I see here, that you studied all academic subjects... Politics, History, and Classical Civilisation, is that correct?

Jack: That is correct

Richard: Then why, may I ask, have you decided to study fine art at this institution, a course, as I’m sure you know, renowned for how little money it makes, and how many students end up as art teachers, though none come with such crude an intention, when you could just as easily, in fact probably find it much easier, to study something a little more straight laced somewhere else. That way you’re guaranteed to make at least a decent amount of money straight after you finish your course, start a family, buy a nice house and get on with your life. Why is this, hm?

Jack: Well, as you said it’s straight laced. I can’t imagine anything more boring. I believe that if one goes ahead with the unexpected and unconventional, then one’s life becomes much more interesting. They used to call Stalin the ‘Grey Blur’ because they regarded him as being in the background and getting on with the mundane tasks life had set before him, while they, at the forefront, continued to live exciting and revolutionary lives. This is how I regard those people. A good degree as a lawyer, a nice job, a nice wife, two nice kids, a nice house, a couple nice cars, if you’re lucky a holiday home abroad and a nice pension. Grey Blurs.

Richard: And you don’t think that, perhaps one could live such an exciting life, with a family, and a good job?

Jack: Well, it certainly makes it harder.

Richard: An interesting philosophy on life, to say the least.

Jack: It’s worked thus far

Richard: I can tell. So tell me, what interests you?

Jack: What, as well as violence, sex and madness?

Richard: those things interest you?

Jack: Sometimes yes

Richard: Then yes, as well as those things

Jack: well you know, I like sport, well I used to more than I do now... erm, I like cooking, art. There’s a limited amount one can say in response to that question when one is interested in so much. I could list everything I’m interested in and with each thing I say, it makes the last less interesting, which creates a list of reasonably interesting things. However, if I said I was interested in bioinformatics above all else, well... that would make me much more interesting. As opposed to a generally generic chap, that likes everything.

Richard: Again, an interesting answer, though I’m not sure I quite understand.

Jack: Think of it this way, if you had to direct a film about someone’s life, but had to pick between two men, both of equal appearance, intellect, and both with the same potential. However, one man liked pretty much everything, and the other had a mad, mad obsession with Asian culture, well then, the latter would be the better selling. And also, a man who likes everything in equal measure finds it harder to determine his path in life. Someone that likes everything is boring. I would say... i’m interested in...

Richard: You find many things boring don’t you Jack.

Jack: Only if they don’t offer me any excitement.

Richard: Quite. Well, I’m going to have to end it there; the next interviewee is waiting outside.

Jack: Okay

Richard: It’s been a pleasure meeting you Jack, and trust me, i don’t think you will have the slightest problem getting into this course. In fact, you are on this course, try not to fail the rest of your A Levels will you.

Jack: I’ll do my best. Bye.

(Jack exits through the window)